Why Don't My Affirmations Manifest?

I have found two reasons that my own affirmations (seem to) fail to manifest.

 

1. Secondary Gains

 

Sometimes secondary gains keep us invested in being right about the wrong things.

 

My friend, Ruth, has for years, suffered from debilitating migraine headaches.  Though various treatments work for a time, one after another fail and the condition returns.  For Ruth, her truth was “I have chronic migraines and nothing helps.” I asked her once how she managed it—what she did to cope with or relieve the pain.  She told me that she had to go into her room, shut the door, close the curtains and go to bed. When she did this, her family knew that they must leave her alone.

 

I asked her if she ever gave herself permission to go into her bedroom, shut the door and curtains and simply take time for herself.  She replied that she wished she could, but her life was too stressful --too demanding--too overwhelming to allow for the time to do that!

 

No, she did not consciously create her migraines or choose to have them. However, her body, on a cellular level, knew that what she needed/wanted was a break --with undisturbed rest.  Since her acting-in-the-world-conscious-mind would not allow for what was desired, her mind and body worked together to create the condition, which required, just what she needed.

 

There is nothing wrong with a secondary gain; it is often the only way we can get a need met. It may be the ‘something’ that we unconsciously need/want/require, but don’t consciously feel we have the time for, the right to ask for, the hope of getting any other way.

 

A co-worker once shared with me that she was having problems in her marriage. She was so unhappy and she no longer enjoyed being sexually intimate with her husband.  Not long after this we were talking again and she mentioned that she was having awful reoccurring yeast infections and she couldn’t figure out why. I asked her how it most impacted her life.  She replied that it was too painful for her to have sex with her husband. 

 

Certainly, she did not intentionally make herself sick. She wasn’t even aware of the connection. But, being right about her illness had a secondary gain. It gave her permission to get what she wanted without having to say the words, “I don’t want to have sex with you.”  Once she was ready to speak the words, she no longer needed the pain.

 

2. Something to be learned

 

When Lynnie and I were looking to buy our first house together, my affirmation was "the perfect home is ours". For over two years, circumstances seemed to thwart us and I was becoming frustrated. But, sometimes, no matter how much we want to be right about a new life-truth, on a deep level, there is still a reason for staying where we are. There is still something to be learned from being right here.

 

What I came to realize is, a part of me wasn't yet ready to make that commitment. We were still learning how to create a home together, and that could be done where ever we lived. When we were ready, the house we finally purchased, was exactly what we wanted and needed, because we had already learned how to create a HOME.

...to be continued.