Fleshed Out Enchantment

Beauty --not shared-- is still Beauty, without wearing glasses!

A luscious meal is still delisious when eaten all alone; pleasantly filling

the empty void of my belly.            Yet, when shared with another

                                      the heart is also filled.

A sunrise, the night skies, a hearthside --however lovely-- is often but an echo

of what it could be, when substantiated by the presence of another.

No pity is required here. Being alone is not the villain.

In truth, pleasure and beauty experienced in solitude, are for me
within themselves, valued and precious --even necessary.

And, a solitary life affords a certain safety.

There cannot be discord in the absence of disclosure,

or disagreement with another, when sitting all alone.

Though the evenings may drag on and on with no one else around,

the chance of disappointment disappears…

As well, is not the Spiritual Enlightenment that we strive for

found unaccompanied? How can one hear the voice of the Divine

while someone else whispers in our ear?           

Yet, who’s to say the whispered words

that fall from the lips of another, are not divinely appointed

to reach the heart  in     just      this      way?

For Beauty shared, where someone else bears witness,
opens the heart in a way that no amount of
solitary, mountain-top mediation can!

To see the smile of appreciation on the other’s face;

and have a destination for the smile that you return,

creates a pleasure that cannot be equaled in isolation.

Watch, alone, the splendor of the day

burn into the night sea, and be enthralled!

Share it with another --souls and shoulders touching--

and experience          fleshed out         enchantment!

May this Holiday Season bring you Enchantment as well as Solitude!

Blessed Be!

 

The Reflection of Love

I grew up believing that my "worthiness" was completely dependent on the fact that "Jesus died for me.” My own righteousness, was compared to filthy rags. I never really got why, but I didn't spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. Guilt and fear were the accepted, if not the actively utilized, motivators. I can remember every night my siblings and I would shout our good-nights through the house "Walton style" with the added and never forgotten, "I'm sorry if I made you mad today". You know, just in case we didn't wake up. We believed that if we died with any "un-confessed sin on the books", we would go straight to hell!

As I grew up, I did my share of questioning and finally, as an adult, was able to move away from the fear-based religion of my childhood. The idea of loving "God first, others second and yourself (you filthy sinner) last" stopped making sense. When I studied for my masters in psychology, the focus was on the importance of self-actualization –self-worth. This was seen as important for our future clients, as well as for ourselves. I welcomed the idea that one must first love one's self before successfully loving another.

In light of this new concept, I spent years going to therapists and workshops and astrologers --spoke affirmations and meditated, with the purpose being, to achieve self-love, self-actualization, self-esteem, self-worth. I became convinced that surely, if I learned to love myself, I would be successful in loving another. And when, yet again, "the relationship" failed, I would think it was because I still didn't love myself enough.

A few years ago, for no particular reason, I spontaneously got up, of a Sunday morning, and went to our local "new age" church. The speaker, Rev. Edward Viljoen, was using a book by Eknath Easwaren in which the author suggested the following. If we all wait until we fully love our self, before loving another, not many people would love or be loved! This idea resonated in a place of truth for me and filled up my thoughts for some time thereafter.

Certainly this was not about going back to a "God first, others second, yourself last" mentality. Rather, when Love moves between two people, the experience of both self-love AND loving the other is amplified. It’s not that loving oneself OR another, need happen "first", but rather both manifest more fully in the presence of the other.

The love I feel for my child, my lover, my friend, is a reflection of love for myself and my love for myself is a reflection of the love I experience for and from others. When the love energy is reflected, back and forth, it is increased. How cool is that?

Perhaps, if I were a more "realized" and enlightened human being I would experience fully formed self-worth, whether love from others was a part of my life or not. Fact is, I am not an enlightened being and therefore, I still grapple with it every day. This is my process.

A dear friend said to me once, "If we are serving as mirrors for one another, then we can feel good about who we are, because you help me see the good parts of me…"

This, I believe, is a glimpse of Divine Love.

Can One Define Love?

To try and wrap words around such a phenomenological experience as LOVE, is something that has been attempted by far better minds than mine, for centuries, with as little success.

There are brief moments when insight seems to be within my reach, and then it drifts away; and striving to grasp it is like trying to catch and hold the beauty of a soap bubble. I am finally getting that it is silly to try. This profound experience is not about facts or proof or intellectualized, tangible reality. It is, not unlike the Tao, ineffable.

It is disturbing for me though --being someone who has always used words as a protection, as a way to corral, identify and explain-- to consider just FEELING the feelings.

Can I let go of my need to line my feelings up behind words?  Aren't words needed to clarify the feelings, justify the feelings, make the feelings real?

Besides, what might happen if I let my feelings go naked, without always having to clothe them with words? What will happen if I leave my feelings without a fence of words around them that tells them where they belong?

Mightn’t I simply fly apart into a million pieces!?                                    Oh, well!

Like the glitter in a fairy globe,

   the fluid of my world

       swirls and sparkles around me

           Confounding, confusing,

                                             delighting me.

O my God!

Don’t ask me to speak

   until the dizzying glow subsides—

        ‘til all the shimmering

settles quietly

   to the bottom.

 

Then I can think clearly again.

      (And it is so important to think clearly.

                              Isn’t it?)

On the other hand. . .

   Oh to be stirred up continually

        and never

              have to settle

                     again!

In the Midst of It

The truth is, I don't feel the need to generate MORE; whether it be more peace or joy, more love or money, more connection or spiritual quiet. I find myself overwhelmed (in a good way) by the experience of ENOUGH and though I love learning and growing and expect to do so till the day I die, right here and now, I acknowledge the joy I feel, the contentment, the abundance of my life, without the need to focus on the doing, experiencing, practicing required for my life to be MORE. 

And, admitting the joy that I feel, in the midst of so much worldwide and next-door suffering, feels wrong, somehow. My childhood voices chorus, "pride goes before a fall" you know. Claiming pervasive happiness does seem to fly in the face of the spiritual thought that, life-is-suffering and Christ-like, to boot.

For a moment, I feel bad.

Still, I choose to embrace being whole, perfect and complete, without feeling ashamed of owning that I love my life—just the way it is and just the way it is not-- knowing that my happiness does not result from my external situation, as much as it depends upon the experience that I choose to create, in the midst of it.

*  *  * 

Would love to hear your stories of Joy and Contentment and Light as we head into the nighttime of the year.

May the Joy of the Season light the fire that will burn brightly through the dark and quiet days of winter.