Insight Rarely Comes Fully Formed

Some years ago, a PBS series aired (the name of which escapes me) where, each week, the narrator took the viewer on an amazing journey through time and history. The program showed how knowledge and creativity, from many different corners of the globe, came together to facilitate, finally, the creation of --say, the modern computer-- or whatever was the object of that week's inquiry.  

 

Similarly, a revelation rarely appears fully formed into our consciousness, but rather requires many pieces coming together into a whole. A new thought, an insight, an idea is taken in through the intellect. There, it is processed, mulled over, questioned. Verbal exploration of this new thought brings a greater understanding and at some point, this intellectual knowing gives way, dropping into the heart space, where we experience it on a feeling level.

As more and more related bits of information (perhaps from things we read or conversations with friends or classes we take) are brought to our attention, this insight moves down into our belly where we digest it--so to speak-- try it out, gather evidence of its validity. Even so, it still could not be called an integrated, fully functioning part of how we manifest in the world.

Some insights may take but a moment to reach the place of integration. More often than not, it takes much longer for a new thought/truth to reach the core of our Being—that place where it is no longer just an interesting concept or even a stated Universal truth, but our Truth, a truth that daily informs our life. 

 

Put simply, the process of integration might look like this: think it, speak it, feel it, do it, BE it.

 

...to be continued.

 

In the Present

There are those who have the aspiration      and the ability

to be               and stay             in the present.
I, on the other hand, am not yet so enlightened.
I cannot live only in the isolated moment
where current actions have no accountability to the future
and spoken intention is a Spiritual anathema.

I remain       in the unenlightened place        where my current feelings

and actions are still based on, influenced by, the LOVE that
moves from that past place of inception,
through the many stages of awareness, growth and change
into the present (where I do try to live)
and on through into the future…

The love that I experience for my child, my wife,

for all those I value and hold dear--
my love of the sunshine rushing in my window as I write this,
for digging in the dirt of the garden, for creative expression,
for the sea, for this planet, for Justice and Peace and so much more…
This    LOVE   that I feel    is    the only   thing I KNOW     about the future.

And though I cannot say how it will manifest beyond this moment

I simply know that it does         and will          exist there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Midst of It -- 2

Years ago, I recall reading a story about a woman's experience in a Nazi concentration camp. Amazingly, even in that horrific environment, she was able to experience joy. No doubt it was a challenge, but somehow she was able to take pleasure in the beauty of the sunset, the few wild flowers growing along the fence, the song she remembered, the giving of a smile or a word of encouragement to her fellow prisoners. It is amazing to me that, even in such a circumstance, this woman held to the truth that joy is a choice and that in giving it, she received.
 
In a more recent story, a woman named Jane Korman took her children, along with their grandfather who had survived internment, to visit several of these camps. At each location, and while playing the song I Will Survive, they danced an additional memory into existence. Though some criticized her, saying she dishonored the dead, she believed her actions, her expression of joy, honored the spirits of all those who had suffered there. She believed that joy does not dishonor suffering, nor does it discount pain.

Certainly, there is nothing fun about tragedy, loss, death. Watching a loved one die, a child suffer, a relationship end, is heart wrenching. Yet, in the face of the most difficult circumstance, joy can be chosen, laughter can be shared, pleasure can be created --without denying the difficulty. It is within the capacity of the human experience to make that choice.
 
In the midst of whatever challenge I may face, I am reminded:  If a young woman in a death camp can find a way to experience joy, certainly I can. And sometimes, choosing to crawl into bed and having a good cry, is the most helpful choice. This, to me, is empowering --knowing that I have a say, that I can choose to cry or smile or howl at the stars or laugh at a joke or enjoy the beauty of nature or meditate alone or visit friends, taking pleasure in their company--  knowing there is not a single feeling that is wrong, or behavior that is outside of my choice. 

The young woman in the concentration camp had no control over her environment and the horrors that went along with it. What she did have a choice about is how she lived, what she focused on, in the midst of it.

She inspires me.
 
 

Where Does the Moment Live?

There is only the present, I am told -- this moment.

The past is gone, the future         yet to be.

And-- is not the Present        wrapped up in the package of the past and the future? Like the meat of the filling --without the two pieces of bread—

there is no sandwich, no “meal”.

The current moment must have a context, or one is like the true amnesiac who lives ONLY in that place of immediacy, with NO connection to past memories or future aspirations.  How can this be anything but life deadening—Soul killing?

My past experiences, as well as my future goals and dreams make me who I am in the NOW. The Moment is meaningless—adrift-- without a landscape to pass through, without a place of Origin          and a Home to head for...

A seed, without the soil from which to grow and the sun toward which to reach, remains  just a dried up bit of unrealized, organic potential, with only a picture            of what it could be      on its package...

AND also true. If I but dig up the soil and reach for the sun but never      break open the package      or plant the seed, there can be no growth      no flower      no fruit…

It is, I realize, all about Balance. And this, for me, is the most difficult place to remain! Balanced in a position      where      I neither live in the Land of Melancholy Rememberings and "One day…Then"     nor in the silent, featureless landscape a context-less      Present.

Balance allows for, requires, using the experiences and lessons of my past, as well as the dreams and goals for my future, to create a Present

within which I can Live and Grow.

AND

I must be able to do this     without attachment to the outcome looking a particular way, trusting that the Great Sage/Source in the Universe

will continue to support the process.

AND

Letting Go of Attachment to Outcome does NOT mean having no feelings or desires -- no goals or dreams.

AND

Doesn't having aspirations set me up? What about disappointment?

What if I'm wrong?            I guess it goes back to the idea that life IS about risk.  

A quote by Joseph Chilton Pearce says:  "To truly live a Creative life, one must

LET GO OF THE FEAR OF BEING WRONG."

The Challenge?      Holding all of the ANDS      Simultaneously!

*Pause*

Sometimes it takes moving to the hypothetical extremes in order to find my way back to a truth…and this is certainly not to say I have arrived.

It is a process. And the process continues!

Blessed Be!

 

 

Letting Go

Important Letting Goes…







Letting go of the need to protect against disappointment by expecting the worst…besides, it doesn't work!







Letting go of attachment to outcome, ANY outcome-- Any outcome is possible.







AND Letting go of attachment to outcome does not mean having no feelings or desires, no goals or dreams. The challenge is to hold both simultaneously.







Letting go of the need to influence the situation, trusting the Sage's ability to influence …without my intervention.







Letting go of all self definition… Stay with "I am open, I am empty." Do not continually explain behavior based on past understanding…"As long as we bring the past into the present we will continue to create a future like the past" !!!







Letting go of the need to obsessively define or defend or "understand" negative behavior or situations.







Letting go of needing to make a feeling MEAN something. Learn to simply BE with the feeling without having to fence it in with words or "meaning".



I feel love



I feel sad



I feel happy BREATH into the feeling and don't go anywhere else!



I feel lonely



I feel loss



Letting go of needing to make another's actions MEAN something.







Letting go of FEAR. Believe the promise, "You will NOT be cheated of happiness.



But don't expect it to "look" a certain way.



“You need do nothing” does not mean doing nothing but rather you NEED do nothing…in other words, you do not need to manipulate the situation.

Fleshed Out Enchantment

Beauty --not shared-- is still Beauty, without wearing glasses!

A luscious meal is still delisious when eaten all alone; pleasantly filling

the empty void of my belly.            Yet, when shared with another

                                      the heart is also filled.

A sunrise, the night skies, a hearthside --however lovely-- is often but an echo

of what it could be, when substantiated by the presence of another.

No pity is required here. Being alone is not the villain.

In truth, pleasure and beauty experienced in solitude, are for me
within themselves, valued and precious --even necessary.

And, a solitary life affords a certain safety.

There cannot be discord in the absence of disclosure,

or disagreement with another, when sitting all alone.

Though the evenings may drag on and on with no one else around,

the chance of disappointment disappears…

As well, is not the Spiritual Enlightenment that we strive for

found unaccompanied? How can one hear the voice of the Divine

while someone else whispers in our ear?           

Yet, who’s to say the whispered words

that fall from the lips of another, are not divinely appointed

to reach the heart  in     just      this      way?

For Beauty shared, where someone else bears witness,
opens the heart in a way that no amount of
solitary, mountain-top mediation can!

To see the smile of appreciation on the other’s face;

and have a destination for the smile that you return,

creates a pleasure that cannot be equaled in isolation.

Watch, alone, the splendor of the day

burn into the night sea, and be enthralled!

Share it with another --souls and shoulders touching--

and experience          fleshed out         enchantment!

May this Holiday Season bring you Enchantment as well as Solitude!

Blessed Be!

 

The Reflection of Love

I grew up believing that my "worthiness" was completely dependent on the fact that "Jesus died for me.” My own righteousness, was compared to filthy rags. I never really got why, but I didn't spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. Guilt and fear were the accepted, if not the actively utilized, motivators. I can remember every night my siblings and I would shout our good-nights through the house "Walton style" with the added and never forgotten, "I'm sorry if I made you mad today". You know, just in case we didn't wake up. We believed that if we died with any "un-confessed sin on the books", we would go straight to hell!

As I grew up, I did my share of questioning and finally, as an adult, was able to move away from the fear-based religion of my childhood. The idea of loving "God first, others second and yourself (you filthy sinner) last" stopped making sense. When I studied for my masters in psychology, the focus was on the importance of self-actualization –self-worth. This was seen as important for our future clients, as well as for ourselves. I welcomed the idea that one must first love one's self before successfully loving another.

In light of this new concept, I spent years going to therapists and workshops and astrologers --spoke affirmations and meditated, with the purpose being, to achieve self-love, self-actualization, self-esteem, self-worth. I became convinced that surely, if I learned to love myself, I would be successful in loving another. And when, yet again, "the relationship" failed, I would think it was because I still didn't love myself enough.

A few years ago, for no particular reason, I spontaneously got up, of a Sunday morning, and went to our local "new age" church. The speaker, Rev. Edward Viljoen, was using a book by Eknath Easwaren in which the author suggested the following. If we all wait until we fully love our self, before loving another, not many people would love or be loved! This idea resonated in a place of truth for me and filled up my thoughts for some time thereafter.

Certainly this was not about going back to a "God first, others second, yourself last" mentality. Rather, when Love moves between two people, the experience of both self-love AND loving the other is amplified. It’s not that loving oneself OR another, need happen "first", but rather both manifest more fully in the presence of the other.

The love I feel for my child, my lover, my friend, is a reflection of love for myself and my love for myself is a reflection of the love I experience for and from others. When the love energy is reflected, back and forth, it is increased. How cool is that?

Perhaps, if I were a more "realized" and enlightened human being I would experience fully formed self-worth, whether love from others was a part of my life or not. Fact is, I am not an enlightened being and therefore, I still grapple with it every day. This is my process.

A dear friend said to me once, "If we are serving as mirrors for one another, then we can feel good about who we are, because you help me see the good parts of me…"

This, I believe, is a glimpse of Divine Love.